


Something Akin to Pain

by Prumery



Category: Hetalia - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 04:18:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5729230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prumery/pseuds/Prumery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Germany is finding it hard to let go of his brother, and realize that he doesn’t belong to him. Jealousy had always been an issue with Prussia, but he never thought it would have been a trait both of the Germans shared. They didn’t find out in the best way possible either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Akin to Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Screams I don't know what I'm doing but i had this idea and i almost cried here you go

Sunday’s were always the same. Ludwig woke up an hour later than his usual routine, because Sunday’s were rest days, and 6 a.m. was a good time to wake up. More sleep to his schedule wasn’t a hassle, and it was healthy.  
At 7 a.m. he was done grooming, showering, cleaning his face, brushing his teeth, and slicking back his hair, dressing up, and he sat down, opened his newspaper and had a cup of coffee at his hand.  
Sundays were when Gilbert actually tried to get up before 8 (Gilbert was starting to get lazier, and lazier. Soon enough he’d be waking up at 10, and Ludwig would lose his shit that day) and Gilbert made pancakes.  
He has no idea when this ritual started, but he knows that he grew accustom to it. The pancakes progressively went from good to downright delicious. Maybe it's because his brother made them for him, or he just grew accustom to this, but either way, Ludwig enjoyed it.  
Gilbert slumped against the seat in front of him, yawning a little like a hippo, making Ludwig smile, but he’d never show him that smile because Gilbert was an asshole and he’d bring it up to him. So he puts his newspaper up and hides that smile.  
This week, though, for the first time in decades, does something change.  
“Alfred is coming over later…”  
Ludwig puts down his newspaper, staring at Gilbert with a look. The ex nation of Prussia, for the first time in a while, looks meek.  
“... America…”  
Prussia sits up a little straight, looking away from Germany, as he just asserted that the use of in formalities is a small red flag. How long had they been talking again?  
Prussia had been very distant from the nations for a while now. After the dissolution, he just decided to spend his time with Germany, getting to know his brother, and knowing his country. Well, what used to be his country anyway.  
He spent sometime traveling, going to remote places, and always bringing back a present. The cabinet behind Ludwig was filled with toys and printed selfies of Gilbert with animals.  
“Why is the American coming over?” Ludwig’s voice grew a little wary. He was unsure of how to take this information, much less think things through. The nervousness in how Gilbert suddenly sat also threw up more flags.  
The man ran his fingers through starlight hair and turned his red eyes to the window. Gilbird fleeted angrily against it, wanting to be let in. But that wasn’t until 9, so the bird had to wait.  
“Well, he has had a mini vacation from his boss, and he’s been buried in paperwork for the last couple of weeks, so he wanted to come over. We’ve been talking for a while now--”  
“Out of all the nations to start talking to again, you chose him?”  
More red flags. Prussia stiffened, and even though his hair was sticking up, and he wasn’t in his formal wear, the way he sat was defensive, as if he was a cornered dog. Bad choice in wording, Ludwig coughed into his hand, and then looked at his paper.  
An awkward silence hung in the room, and then Germany sighed out of his nose, and said gently--  
“I refuse to speak English for him. He better brush up on his German or I will make him sleep with Blackie.”  
That was all he said, and there was a calm little huff from Gilbert.  
Ludwig never thought he’d had bending to his brother’s wishes more than that day.

 

* * *

  
There wasn’t much of a hassle from Alfred. He just bounced in like a weirdo and started filling the house with his god awful laugh.  
Blackie took to the blond, though, as Ludwig found the dog lying on Alfred’s lap as the blond scratched her ears mercilessly. The thumping leg and coos from the chubby man made Ludwig roll his eyes.  
He wasn’t thinking much of him, mostly because Ludwig cannot see past a schedule, and mainly because as the day progressed, Alfred was pretty much quiet. He did notice that the door to Gilbert’s room slowly started closing, and that as bedtime rolled in, they spoke a little hushed.  
Ludwig went through some of the bills on the table, sighing angrily as he saw that Gilbert hadn’t cancelled that subscription to a nudey mag that he had gotten as a joke.  
He stood up, walking a little loudly to the man’s door, and pushing it open without much of a second thought.  
“Hey, Gilbert didn’t I tell you to cancel this subscription?”  
As he walked in, Ludwig found himself wondering what he had stopped from happening. Alfred looked beet red, but his face was smiling, and Gilbert looked like he was pissed. The blond had his legs in between Gilbert’s and they both were in the man’s bed.  
… Alright…  
“I did.” Gilbert took the magazine, making the fatter man beside him let out a squeak as he noticed the type of magazine it was.  
“ _Gilbert_ \--”  
Ludwig shot a glare to the Native American, reminding him of informality, but it was in vain, as Gilbert was leafing through pages and cackling as Alfred swatted away the thing and avoided looking at them.  
“Gilbert, please,” Ludwig said, tapping his foot and making the man give him that lazy look. The younger man stared at his brother, who moved his lip to the left side of his face, and sighed out of his pierced nose.  
Ludwig never liked the metal on Gilbert’s face. It made him look a little terrifying, especially because he’s cried watching _The Land Before Time_.  
“I did cancel it. This was this months, and I cancelled it when it was sent out.” He took the magazine, pulling out a box and shoving it into it. Alfred stared with wide eyes at the amount of smut in there, along with… Some toys that weren’t something Ludwig wanted an image of.  
Ludwig rolled his eyes, turned around, and left. Not without hearing a small whisper from Alfred that made Ludwig want to rethink what they were doing in the room.  
“You really want me to use one of those toys?”

 

* * *

  
That Monday morning was different. He woke up ten minutes early because of giggling, and as he stood up to start his routine, it was stopped by the shower being too hot. He angrily turned off the water, put on a towel, and stomped to the kitchen.  
Alfred was washing dishes, and Gilbert was setting the table.  
Ludwig frowned at the food, seeing that it was no Monday eggs, with toast, and a glass of juice (coffee for himself). It was a plate of…  
What was that plate of…? Well what wasn’t it?  
There were biscuits, and pancakes, and gravy, and mashed potatoes and so many things and smells that Ludwig’s stomach gurgled angrily at the thoughts of the indigestion and upset stomachs. Maybe even food poisoning if it was way off his food choices.  
“...What’s this?” Ludwig said gently, his eyes squinting as he was fighting soap in his eyes. Alfred turned, then immediately looked away, as the man was only in a towel.  
“... Breakfast…” Gilbert said gently, and Ludwig stared at him. The german only went over to the sink, turned off the hot water, without caring for Alfred’s pout, and went back to finish his shower.  
He was ten minutes late in his schedule the entire day. He blames the indigestion.

 

* * *

  
That entire week was a hectic mess for Ludwig. He’d wake up with Blackie on him, as he was let in too early. Ludwig also woke up with the sound of bad karaoke, and the smell of burnt skin and Gilbert grunting as America put on disinfectant on his hand.  
Ludwig’s stomach hurt the entire week, as the really greasy soul food the blond made was too heavy for him. He’d end up taking time out of his day to nap a little after eating because it was just too heavy. The first time he fell asleep right on the table, face first into pancakes.  
He found himself later on vine. He hates social media.  
“Are you going to tell him--?”  
He’s getting out a recent nap and he looks over to the sofa, his eyes bleary from his sleep. He swears he sees Gilbert leaning against Alfred, and putting his head on his chest.  
“Oh yes, i’m definitely going to tell him. The guy with a jealousy problem.”  
“Does he really?”  
“Yeah…”  
“Is it as bad as yours?”  
“Probably worse.”  
“I’m worried.”  
“Yeah… Me too…”  
Ludwig thinks it’s a dream and falls back asleep.

 

* * *

  
On Sunday morning, Gilbert was awake before 8. There were no pancakes, no coffee, and Ludwig felt uncomfortable as Gilbert waved off Alfred, and went inside.  
“That was... “  
“Amazing--” Gilbert says a little softly, and the man frowns at that. What the hell was that.  
Ludwig doesn’t want anything to do with that blond. Sure, he’s nice and all, but there’s something different between a passing “hello” and a nice “how’s your day”, to spending an entire week together.  
“That was not.” Ludwig indicated as he pulled out another one of those… weirdly bright pink bottles and pounded it. Gilbert laughed gently as he did, knowing that his brother’s stomach was a little bit weaker than his own.  
“His cooking is like that.”  
“It was uncalled for--”  
Gilbert frowned as he started making batter for pancakes, and he said nothing. He was quiet for a little bit, then set down the pancakes on the table. Ludwig ate them happily, as his brother’s food always made him feel better.  
They… were a little salty this week. Not bad, per say, but they were.  
He looked up at Gilbert, seeing the man leaned against the back of his chair, his hands outstretched in front of himself, and his eyes misty.  
“... Is something the matter?”  
Ludwig said gently, putting down his fork, and staring up at him. Gilbert said nothing, of course, as he was always one to keep to himself.  
Ludwig found that pleasing, as he also shared this trait.  
“... I want to date Alfred…”  
“Absolutely not.”  
That got a frown from Gilbert and the man squeezed the fork in his hand. Ludwig glared at him, crossing his arms and staring at Gilbert.  
“I’m an _adult_ , you don’t control me, baby _brother_.” Gilbert hissed under his breath, firmly stating his age and knowledge over Germany. The man held Prussia’s gaze, and the blond growled.  
“Don’t you remember what he did to you?”  
“Every fucking day.” Prussia jammed the fork into his mouth, eating angrily and wanting not to talk about this. Germany made his feelings known about the situation with Alfred, he just wanted to let this go now.  
There was a long pause, and a heavy silence, followed by Germany uncrossing his arms and looking at his plate. There was a weird feeling in his chest. Something unfamiliar blossomed in his chest, and he found himself… Angry at the Native American.  
In a weird sort of way. Not angry as in a headache, more like… he wished he would never show up around his brother. Like he wouldn’t exist for a while.  
It was uncomfortable.  
“Are you going to come to the mid year’s meeting?”  
Prussia looked misty for a second. Germany wanted to hear nothing of it, but the man let out a sigh, and shook his head.  
“Yeah I am.”  
There was a silence from Prussia, and from then on… Germany wasn’t sure when his schedule started turning different.

 

* * *

  
Decades of pancakes stopped on that week. The next Sunday, Prussia was in his room until 11. Ludwig paid no mind, and made his own.  
They didn’t taste as good.  
Prussia started leaving sometimes. He’d go late at night, or just enough so Ludwig wouldn’t say anything. Not that he would, since the nineties Prussia has calmed down a bit.  
He still worried.  
There was once time that he went away for a while. It wasn’t more than a week, but it was enough to send him a text message. He only received an “i’m okay” as a response.  
Ludwig found himself feeling that same feeling again. He’d seen his social media accounts, and saw that Prussia was with America. He’d take pictures of the blond, and for some reason, Prussia wasn’t taking pictures of himself. He’d only take pictures of the blond, just him.  
Just Alfred.  
That feeling hadn’t gone away. He knows that it’s his fault but he’s not exactly sure that he can handle fully accepting that.  
“Hey i’m going to stay at Alfred’s for a while.”  
Ludwig reads the message, and lets the phone fall onto his face. Blackie has taken it up to herself to lay on Ludwig’s belly, as the day she was allowed inside was the day she dared to do so much more things.  
He sighed again, feeling that feeling blossom in his chest, and in his body, and it was getting later and later, and his schedule was thrown. He woke up at almost 11, Blackie running in circles as she wanted to be walked. He had missed her 10 a.m. walk, so now she mewled and barked at him.  
Ludwig wanted nothing of it. He felt the feeling of depression start to fill his body, and he stared at the ceiling, feeling his shadow start to come in. He was always good at growing facial hair.  
He sat up in his bed, sighing and deciding to start the day differently. He showered, but didn’t shave. He didn’t do his hair, and he put on those shorts and thermals that his brother got him as a joke. Blackie practically sobbed in happiness as he pulled out her leash and grabbed Aster and Berlitz, and they were confused as to why they were being walked. They weren’t energetic dogs, as Aster was a little older, and Berlitz was a tiny wiener dog, he didn’t need much.  
But Ludwig felt lonely. He walked his dogs, getting weird looks from women, and weirder looks from men as Berlitz proudly strutted.  
He got ice cream and ate with gusto, as that was his breakfast. Well, after the large pancakes he bought from the woman confused at the three dogs obediently sitting beside him, and smiling at her. They weren’t hungry, seeing as Ludwig had a thing of feeding them exactly, and very well.  
There’s something wrong. He shouldn’t lean so much on his brother to keep him together. But honestly, who else does Ludwig have?  
Austria?  
Hungary?  
Veniziano?  
Ludwig scratches Blackie’s head as she lays on his lap. Berlitz has gotten acquainted with a small child who is looking at the dog starry eyed, but being worryingly pulled away by his mother. Aster has gotten acquainted with a woman’s bosom, as she pets and coos at him, and tells Germany that he has nice dogs.  
He smiles gently, patting Aster on the head and inwardly telling him he has good game.  
It’s a weird day. He goes home at 4, and puts the dogs inside. The dog beds are clean, so he sets them on the floor. The dogs are incredibly confused, but welcoming to the fire. It’s not that it’s cold outside, since Ludwig made the dog houses sealed.  
Ludwig sleeps on the sofa, with Blackie on his lap, squishing his stomach,but in a nice way.  
It’s a weird day.

 

* * *

  
Prussia doesn’t come home for a while. About a month. When he gets home, Ludwig makes sure to hide the fact that he hasn’t been sleeping well, and that he’s been letting the dogs sleep inside. He cleans obsessively, not sure what he’s expecting, but it can’t be anything good.  
There’s an awful feeling in his gut, but he’s not sure what it is. The mid year meeting is coming up, and he knows that Gilbert is going to stay over, and he’s probably going to be bringing Alfred.  
Ludwig bottled up the feeling of anger in his chest. He refused to pay attention to it.  
Instead, he shoved a spoon into the ice cream bowl and shoveled it in his mouth, glaring at the ground.  
“Hey Lud!” Gilbert was outside, and Ludwig scrambled to put away the ice cream, not without scooping an entire spoonful and shoving it into his mouth. He went to the door, opening it and seeing Gilbert and Alfred smiling at him.  
He ignored the blond, going to his brother and hugging him Gilbert was confused as he hugged him, and only gently a pat on the back.  
Alfred even stared at him funny.  
Ludwig then locked himself in his room, holding onto Blackie as she wriggled and let out soft ‘awoos’ and licked his face. Germany didn’t want to talk about the feeling of emptiness and anger in the pit of his stomach, and much less about the blond in the room beside his.  
He sighed, feeling Blackie lick his neck and then settle down for sleep.  
Ludwig slept peacefully that night, knowing that his brother was on the other side of the wall. Of course, there were loud sounds, but he ignored them, as it was probably just him and America rough housing.  
His brother was home.  
He felt happy.

 

* * *

  
5 a.m. His actual time. His normal schedule.  
He sat up, petting Blackie and deciding to write down her walks a little later. And her sleeping with him, because she kept him very warm.  
He stood up, seeing the room differently. Happier.  
He liked this.  
He cooked a nice breakfast, even for Alfred. He fed the dogs, he cleaned some dishes he lazed off on. He finished the house, and smiled at himself.  
Gilbert and Alfred didn’t wake up for another 2 hours, but the meeting started in one, so he hurried to get his things and went off to the meeting.  
Of course, as he did, he got a little early. He pulled out his phone, and went through his media, seeing random pictures of cats and dogs that he enjoyed.  
He then opened a small ghost. He doesn’t even use it, really. Mostly to post dogs he found, or a new cake he made.  
There are new stories on the profile, and he would’ve ignored it, weren’t his brother’s face on the phone. He frowned, and opened it, seeing Gilbert pointing down at himself, without a shirt and Alfred beside him.  
“Hey babe--” Gilbert said, turning to Alfred, who looked up from his DS game to look at the man. He blinked and made a small hm.  
“Yes?”  
“Can you look in your sweater pocket?”  
Alfred frowned, and the story cut. Another one started and the blond put his hand on his sweater, and his eyes widened. Gilbert smirked at the camera, then turned to Alfred who looked like he started crying.  
“No.”  
“Yes.”  
“No…”  
“Yes.”  
Alfred started crying, and the story cut off again. After that, there was only a video of Alfred crying on Gilbert’s shoulder, and the albino wiggled his fingers at the camera, laughing.  
Ludwig felt his heart break as he realized that there was a small band on his finger. The next couple of pictures were of Gilbert talking about what happened.  
When people began to fill in the room, and Ludwig sat in a stunned silence, did Ludwig know what the awful feeling in his chest was.  
He was jealous.  
And he hated Alfred because of this.

 

* * *

  
There was a commotion as people began to check their social media. Ludwig couldn’t keep the meeting in order as Francis let out a squeal and flapped his arms like a chicken. Germany broke a lot more pens than usual at that meeting.  
He found himself growing angrier and angrier as America didn’t show up, and that meant that Prussia wouldn’t either.  
Germany’s nails were down to the nubs after he hadn’t bit them for years. He was fighting the urge to punch something, and that something was looking like England’s face.  
Half break was there, and finally did Prussia and America show up. As soon as they did, there was a congratulations from half of the countries, and the other half angrily muttering.  
Prussia practically glowed, and America looked like he was worth a million dollars.  
Germany has never hated someone as much as he hated America at the moment. This was beyond their political stance, and beyond their so called friendship.  
America was the first person after Germany that Prussia opened up to. He was only a fucking matter of coincidence that his brother decided to choose him as a partner.  
He stood up, and people parted as he walked to his brother. Prussia saw the look on Germany’s face, and his hand instinctively went to America’s hips, pulling him behind him a little, and standing Germany down. The Germans both toward over the rest of the nations, and the Native American could handle himself, but he seemed to have that twitch.  
He did it with Germany when he was a kid. That feeling in his belly only grew worse.  
“I need to talk to you--” Germany gripped Prussia’s muscled arm, digging his nails into his arm, and making Prussia give America a look. The tanner man worriedly took his hands, and Prussia gently pet them, smiling reassuringly and only making Germany angrier.  
“I said I need to talk to you,” Germany hissed, and there was an evident disturbance as he said that. Nations backed off, and Prussia’s face grew colder. He let him drag him to the next room, and he basically threw Prussia into the room.  
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Germany growled, and Prussia stood straight, his arms crossed and his eye glowing with uncertainty and warning. He was treading on thin ice; Any movement, and something bad could happen.  
“I’m getting married.”  
“With _him_?” Germany made an inflection with his finger, pointing towards the door. The older man shook his head, and there was a blush on his cheeks as he was still happy.  
Buzzkill, that’s what he probably thought. But Germany wasn’t, he was thinking of how this was going to affect him in the long run. On how America could deal with a husband with no land, and on… What would Germany do without Prussia.  
“This is pathetic, you need to call the wedding off, I will hear nothing against it--” Germany turned to leave, and there was an angry curse at him, and Prussia turned Germany around.  
“You don’t control me, Ludwig. I am your _brother_ , and you will let me be happy!” He stomped, and his eyes darkened. Germany pushed him back, and he took his hand.  
“This is nothing. You are not a nation anymore, you have nothing to give him, and his country. This is an empty promise that he’ll stay with you--”  
“So? What if I want empty promises!?” His hand swat at Germany, and there was a sort of weird energy in the room. Germany was starting to feel like his chest was constricting.  
“I will not allow you to leave, Gilbert--”  
“What the fuck did I say about controlling me?!”  
“Well guess what, Prussia--” Germany spit, and Prussia didn’t falter from his stance. His eyes bore nothing, and his face was unmoving from the snarl he had. Germany jabbed his finger against his brother’s chest.  
“You are _my_ brother, you are a part of _me_ , you are _nothing_ , and you are coming home and forgetting about this silly little game you call a relationship, **_do you understand me_**?”  
Germany stared down at his brother, his eyes changing to red. Prussia hadn’t seen that color in his irises in years, and he was stunned for a second. The aryan took it as a sign of defeat, and smiled gently, his blue hue coming back.  
He turned to leave, then heard Prussia say, as gently as possible--  
“I still love you too, Ludwig…”  
Germany stiffened.  
“But you cannot stop me from being happy. I don’t belong to you. I want to be with Alfred, and you’re not going to stop me.”  
Germany felt rage go through his body, and he looked at Prussia, and the man actually faltered this time. For a brief second, Prussia was actually scared.  
Prussia was actually scared.  
The door click open, and America walked in, careful, and wondering what was going on. As Germany turned to him, the blond glared back.  
“Alfred don’t--!”  
Germany didn’t even second think himself. It was common for him to go for an hook when he was punching, so as soon as Prussia saw him steady his arm, he was at America’s side in a step.  
As the blond’s fist cracked against someone’s face, America let out a scream, and pushed Germany back, slamming him against the other side of the room, not remembering how powerful he really was.  
Alfred had tears in his eyes as he went to Gilbert’s side, pulling his face to his lap and holding him. Gilbert was blacked out. America looked up at Germany, his face dark.  
“I’m going to fucking hurt you--”  
The aryan stood up, pointing at America and walking towards him. There were a couple of nations that appeared in front of him, holding him back. America just held Prussia, noticing the bruise on his face, and the blood dripping down his nose.  
“You hurt your brother,” America said as he picked up Prussia, his body limp. He wasn’t one to give in a fight so much, but the hit was pretty hard.  
Germany didn’t even say anything, since England had a boot on his face.  
For the first time in Germany’s life was he kicked out of a meeting for unruly behavior.

 

* * *

  
Prussia never came for his things.  
It wasn’t surprising, but Ludwig still found himself… Well, feeling empty. As he got home, he dragged himself to bed, bringing the dogs inside, and shedding his clothes. He laid in his bed, staring at the wall, and slowly began to cry.  
It wasn’t awful crying, he’s always been a quiet crier, but it was for a long time. For hours he laid still, his pillow soaking up his tears and his body aching. His hands shake when he moves them in front of his face, but he’s still otherwise.  
It’s a couple of hours until Blackie let’s out a quiet whine, and Ludwig finally gets up. He goes to the kitchen, lets out the dogs to go to the bathroom, then puts food in their bowls. He empties out their water, then refills it with fresh, grabs a 6 pack of beer and in a couple of minutes is finished with it.  
He goes back into the bedroom again, and lays on the bed for hours again. He doesn’t remember sleeping, or that he did sleep at all, but he mostly remembers his dogs.  
This happens for three days. The meeting was suppose to be the entire week, but Germany’s absence made everyone feel uncomfortable, and weirdly confused. Germany doesn’t care.  
He doesn’t care at all.  
His five o’clock shadow turns into a full beard. He doesn’t remember showering, but he did remember ending up in the tub, fully clothed with the shower head at full blast.  
Germany doesn’t remember much of that week.  
Or the following month.  
He does remember finally getting up the next month, feeling his entire body numb and hopeless, and he starts to feel obsessive. Immediately, his messy and pig sty type room is turned impeccable.  
Obsessively, he cleans the entire house. He cleans his room, the attic, the basement, the living room, and he’s doing it for three days straight.  
His robes are dirty and he’s been wearing the same socks for three days, so he decides to go take a bath. He scrubs himself down, sometimes so hard he starts to draw blood. The dogs are staring at him the entire time, looking a little worried, but glad that their master is finally awake and moving.  
Germany is looking in the mirror, seeing his hair down to his shoulders and his beard coming to his chest. He grabs scissors, and starts hacking at the blond beard, a little angrily.  
Prussia left him. He chose America over him, and that american took his brother. Like last time he did, but this time it was more permanent. Hell, he would turn him against him if he could.  
Germany felt tears roll down his face, but he ignored it, shaving his chin, and pulling the blade up his neck and around his strong jaw. He noticed that he had gained weight, and was pissed at that.  
As he finished shaving, he stared into the mirror, staring back at the man in front of him.  
Germany had never felt so alone in his life.  
More tears rolled down his face, and he bent over his sink. He took a deep breath, but it was no use as he started to cry harder. His tears got harder and thicker (or so he thought) and he began to cry louder.  
Soon, he was screaming and crying, covering the back of his head with his hands. He was shouting, not exactly sure what, but he was.  
It was hours before he stopped crying. The sobs turned into cries and the cries into hiccups, and he laid on the floor, curled up and defeated.  
How can something affect him this much?  
His brother was his own person, he didn’t deserve him. He didn’t even support him when he needed it.  
His brother was a better person than he was.  
Germany began to laugh. Laugh so loud and crazily that he felt like he was going insane. This was it. This was the last of The fucking Amazing country of Germany.  
Fuck.  
Germany stared at the ceiling, seeing the stupid stickers on the ceiling. The glow in the dark stars that Prussia put up years ago.  
He recognized some constellations on the ceiling, and he reached up, tracing them with his fingers. He named them off, softly saying their names.  
“Sagittarius, Scorpio… Orion…” He whispered, more hot tears rolling down his face, He put the balls of his hands into his eyes, and breathing in and out.  
It felt better. It felt so much better to cry.  
He didn’t know why he hadn’t, maybe he would’ve fixed himself earlier on, maybe if he wasn’t such a macho man…  
Maybe he’d still have his brother here.  
He stood up, going to change into those stupid clothes his brother got him, and stared at the door with stickers on it. More glow in the dark shit.  
He smiled, gently putting his hand on the handle and opening the door. Inside was a comfortable room. The bed was large, with pillows stacked, and the corners folded prison style. It smelled like Gilbert’s cologne, and it was clean, and perfect.  
Germany felt odd looking at the room. The jealousy wasn’t there anymore, but more of something akin to sadness. Pain went over his chest, and he started to cry.  
What if he lost Gilbert that day?  
…. Was that his worry?...  
But… He was with Alfred. He was happy, he was fucking getting married. Why was Germany so…  
Ah. Well…  
Germany wiped his face, and closed, and locked the door.  
He slept very well that night.

 

* * *

  
Sunday. 6 a.m.  
His phone rang exactly at that time, and Germany was already up. He stared at the number, his eyes a little wide.  
“...America?”  
There was a nervous pause, he could tell it was nervous for some odd reason, and then a small little--  
“H...Hi, Ludwig.”  
Germany rolled his eyes at the informalities, pulling out his clothes for the day. The usual socks, the usual tie, the usual button up.  
“What do you wish?”  
“Uhm… Well, Romano wanted to know if you were coming in--”  
There was a scream from the other side of the room, cursing in Spanish and Italian, and Germany felt his face blush.  
“BASTARDO, WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TELLING HIM THAT NOW HE THINKS I CARE I’M GOING TO RIP YOUR ASSHOLE TO SHREDS IF GILBERT HASN’T DONE IT BEFORE M--”  
There was a muffled sound, and Germany stared at Blackie, as if telling her “Look at the shit I deal with,”.  
He smiled at her, then turned back to the phone, looking in the mirror and seeing his long hair drifting over his shoulders.  
He shrugged, going to the bathroom and setting the water.  
“Ah… Well, he was wondering if you were coming? He misses you…. And Gilbert does too…”  
There was a silence from around the room in the speaker, and Germany stared at the phone in his hands.  
His eyes saddened, but he smiled softly  
“... I am going. Tell him not to fret.”  
“Alright… I will… Thank you, Ludwig…” The way he said that made Germany smile.  
His brother was in good hands.  
He finished taking his shower, and he began to change.  
Staring into the mirror, he raised an eyebrow at his hair. It fell over his eyes, as he had no bangs, and it curled a little at the ends. Gently, he put his fingers back through his hair, and tied it with a rubber band he used sometimes for his paperwork.  
There was something about the way it pulled back that reminded him of someone. But the memory was fleeting and before he could remember it, he was already finished dressing.  
Walking to the kitchen, he put out utensils for food, and stared at the pancake mix. If he remembered right, last time he put too much water.  
Hoping for the best, he made a couple of shitty pancakes, and then two came out okay. He put the slightly burnt ones in the dog bowls, and put some bacon on it, making the three dogs basically wriggle happily at the treats that they were unused to.  
Germany sat down at the empty table, staring at the chair his brother used to sit at. He pulled out the maple syrup Canada always gave him, put some butter and strawberry marmalade, and stared at the steaming pancakes.  
Tentatively, he cut into the soft food, and held the fork in front of his mouth. He took a bite, and then leaned back.  
…. Not bad…

 

* * *

  
“Ah, yes Germany!”  
The blond turned to England, seeing the British man pause, and stare at the ponytail that was running down the man’s back. He then drifted his eyes to his belly, as it was a little more out, but then again, Germany can get rid of that in a week or two.  
“What is it?” Germany said softly, putting both his hands on his binder, and looking at the man. They were around the same height, but unlike England, Germany wasn’t a twig.  
England coughed, and then made an infliction with his hand.  
“I wish to apologize fo--”  
“No need to. I wasn’t myself.” Germany said, then turned around, and left England open mouthed.  
“W..Wait, but I feel like I should!”  
“No need.” Germany smiled, taking his seat and having people sit around him a little nervously. He made chat with Greece, who was the only one who didn’t seem to really care about his outburst two months ago.  
It’d only been two months…  
A weird sort of somberness hit Germany’s chest, but it was gone as Romano came up to him, and nervously sat beside him.  
Germany grinned as he did that.  
“So, Alfred told me that--”  
“Shut the fuck up.”  
Romano said angrily, taking out his notebook, and angrily leaning back and staring at Germany. The blond was still smiling, and Romano turned slightly red.  
“... Hey. Idiot.”  
“Yes?”  
“I missed you.”  
“I know.”  
Romano looked offended, but the smile that was on Germany’s face made him be quiet for a little bit.  
As the meeting started, America turned to Germany and grinned at him. He bounced in his seat, and Germany smiled at that.  
There was a murmur of things around him, but he was too busy playing a cat game to notice most of them. Mostly it was comments on his hair, but really, who cared.  
Veneziano looked uncomfortable with that, his eyes looking away when Germany would tug at it in a nervous twitch. He didn’t want to know, as the italian hadn’t spoken to him since the 60’s. Not that he minded.  
Germany wasn’t as uncomfortable as he thought he’d be. The meeting was uneventful, of course, but Germany did put up some points about the readings he managed to cram that morning as he finished his breakfast.  
As everything wrapped up, America came up to him, and he smiled.  
“Are you… Okay?” He said it nervously, trying not to make him uncomfortable, or make him feel like he’s mocking him. Germany shook his head in a yes, and turned to America.  
“Thank you for taking care of my brother. He can come for his things whenever he wants.”  
“Ah, that’s alright. He said he wants to visit on holidays, and things like that.”  
“Well… You’re welcome too, Alfred.”  
The american’s face lit up at that, and Germany actually had to look away from the bright smile the blond gave him. He clapped gently, and took Germany’s hands.  
“I… Well, Gilly wanted to tell you--”  
Gilly?  
“--But… Uhm… Well the wedding is next month. And…. And I want you to be best man for him!” America smiled at him, and Germany stared at him for a solid minute. There was suddenly a look from Alfred and he stared at Germany.  
“Uh… Ludwig, are you alright?”  
Germany stared at him, knitting his brows, and pulling his hands away. He felt something wet underneath his cheeks, and he reached up, touching his face and seeing….  
Tears.  
“Y...Yeah, I’m… I’m just happy I guess.” Germany whispered gently, laughing and beginning to cry a little harder.  
America wiped his face, bringing Germany down a couple of inches, and pressing a kiss to his cheek. The blond felt his face turn bright red and he pulled away from America, blushing.  
“Your brother makes me very happy. And you make him very happy, for whatever your short comings are.”  
He smiled wide at Germany, who was wiping away the last couple of tears on his face. He let out a small laugh and shook his head.  
“Ah… Tell him thank you.”  
“Tell him yourself.”  
Germany turned to look at Prussia, who was leaning against the door frame. He wore that awful leather jacket of his, and crossed his legs at the ankle smirking at his brother.  
“So, you gunna do the entire schtick of crying for me too?”  
There was a little quiver in Gilbert’s lip and the way he spoke. His eye twitched a little, but he kept a cold face. Germany smiled at him, and rolled his eyes.  
“No. I promise.”  
“Good.” He went up to him, and pulled him into a hug, nuzzling his face into his shoulder and giving him a tight and strong hug.  
For whatever Gilbert lost during the dissolution, he always had the strongest and longest hugs. Germany hugged back just as tight, feeling the pain in his chest start to disappear.  
“I missed you brother…” Gilbert whispered, and Ludwig could feel the quiver in his lip against his neck. He didn’t want to hurt him that way, not anymore.  
“I… I missed you too… More than you think.”  
“You missed my god damn Sunday pancakes, that’s what you fucking missed.”  
Prussia pulled back, staring at his brother, and patting his face a little harshly.  
“I did. I actually made my own.”  
“Were they good?”  
Germany stared at Prussia, and shook his head.  
“Better than yours.”  
Prussia laughed, but there was a look there. Of relief, of care. Love, and so many other things that Ludwig knew, and understood.  
“Good.”  
Germany walked out with his brother, and his soon to be brother-in-law, thinking that maybe he should make pancakes tomorrow too…  
You know. Just to get the hang of things...


End file.
